It has been over a month since I have posted on my blog. My last post was after our trip to Kona, Hawaii, to be face-to-face with our son's Ironman pursuit. Since then I've spent a delightful week in the English Lake District with a side trip to Edinburgh, Scotland, as my birthday present from my husband. I have also been to Florida, with my siblings, to help our mother relocate to an assisted living apartment (she had been in her own home all this time, alone, and she is now 91 years old).
Joy and difficulty. Those two ends of a spectrum seem to characterize much of life.
So wassup? I wish I knew.
I'm progressively more tired, and six times of long-distance traveling (close to 30,000 air miles) in as many weeks didn't help. At times I feel a little trapped by my pulmonary hypertension, not because I'm not usually a homebody (I am) but because of the exhaustion that comes with the disease. I feel alone and am alone most of the time. But I've been a solitary sort of individual most of my life. However, now when the occasion presents itself to see a good friend, something much rarer than it ever was, I get a little giddy with excitement and probably go overboard with talking and sharing.
Honesty matters to me. It always has, but now it's like never before. I don't have time or energy to deal with bullsh**. My pulmonary artery is three times normal size, my blood therefore is not carrying enough oxygen, and my heart therefore is working extra hard to try to compensate. On the Monday after Thanksgiving, I am having yet another eye surgery (this will be my 7th, the 4th on my right eye). Yes, I'm feeling a little depressed and a tad overwhelmed. Losing good health is a hard thing.
Do I have much to be thankful for? Oh my yes! I have a husband who loves me and who looks forward to coming home to me every night. I have two beautiful grandchildren in their adorable preschool years whose development is amazing to watch (almost as if I've never been through it before). I have friends from one coast to the other and many points in between.
So I guess that's wassup: joy and difficulty. Nothing new -- really -- under the sun.
